halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
