You can't special order awesome
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Ketchup is God's man juice
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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