thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
