Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize