I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
