I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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