Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize