I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
