you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
