I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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