i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I met the friendliest cop last night
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize