you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
