Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
