you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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