Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
