I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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