I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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