I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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