you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
