508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
