she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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