Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize