i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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