I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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