You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
