Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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