Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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