well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We are two peas in an std pod
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
