Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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