Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
