i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
