Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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