that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
