: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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