I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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