peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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