i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
