just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
