I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
