You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize