So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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