I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
