Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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