My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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