that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Floor bacon is actually really good
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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