my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
