When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
