I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
