The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
