So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
