i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
