ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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