she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
