So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
