If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize