I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
