her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
