I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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