I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
