Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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