Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
