I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize