Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
