Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
