no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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