I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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