Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
