I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
