I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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