Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
