I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
