Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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