I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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