She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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