i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
