Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
