"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize