Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
