is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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