i can't believe i had my finger in that
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
