Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Found the puke drawer
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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