theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
