How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
